When desire is lost: What’s behind your libido problem?
There are phases when sexual desire wanes – especially in intercultural relationships, this can become a major burden. Cultural differences, misunderstandings and the pressure to fulfil both cultures can overwhelm you and push your own needs into the background. This stress puts a strain on intimacy and can cause you to lose interest in your partner.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way! Find out here how you can regain your lust and find a solution for you and your relationship.
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Seeking coaching on this topic requires courage and openness. You embark on a journey of self-reflection in which you address your desires, fears and challenges – perhaps together with your partner. It’s about accepting the pain and insecurities that come with sexual reluctance and cultural differences. You may not yet know exactly how you want your relationship to develop, but you feel that something needs to change so that you feel comfortable again and desire returns.
My job is to accompany you on this path, to give you clarity and to work out solutions together that suit you and your relationship.
You’ll find out how I go about it in a moment – but first things first: difficulties in the relationship are completely normal, especially in intercultural partnerships. They are not the end, but an indication that your relationship needs to develop further. Let me show you how you can emerge stronger from this phase.
Coaching helps you to gain clarity about your wishes and fears and to find solutions together. Challenges are normal in intercultural relationships - they show that growth and change are possible.
Self-care and stress management: Focus on your own wellbeing
An important step in dealing with sexual reluctance, especially in an intercultural relationship, is to look after your own self-care. Only when you take good care of yourself can you create the energy and space for intimacy. It is crucial to reduce the stress caused by overwork and the pressure you experience.
Pay attention to your self-care, reduce stress and consciously create space for relaxation. You don't have to manage everything on your own - get support if you need it.
One option is to consciously incorporate breaks into your everyday life to regenerate and relax. It may help you to create small rituals that help you to relax and get out of the constant whirlwind of obligations and demands. This can also include the support of family and friends who relieve you and help you to reduce stress. In intercultural relationships it can be particularly helpful to know that you don’t have to shoulder everything alone. Get support if you need it, be it through professional counselling or coaching, to sort out your burdens and see more clearly what you really need.
Communication with your partner: open dialogue without accusations
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s important to talk openly with your partner. Perhaps he or she also feels overwhelmed? In intercultural relationships, the challenges are often also communication-related. Cultural misunderstandings can put a strain on the relationship and make you feel misunderstood or misunderstood. You may feel that your partner doesn’t really recognise how much pressure you are feeling. A calm conversation can work wonders here – a conversation in which you can expressyour feelings without reproach and your partner has the opportunity to understand how you feel. You might even find out together that your partner feels the same way as you do.
Open communication is essential - talk to your partner about your feelings without accusations. Understanding cultural backgrounds can help to avoid misunderstandings.
Especially in intercultural relationships, it is crucial to develop an understanding of each other’s cultural backgrounds. Sometimes it helps to understand the different perceptions of intimacy and closeness and to address how each of you deals with stress and emotional strain. Coaching can help you to structure the conversation and avoid misunderstandings. It is important that you both share your feelings honestly and respectfully.
Look at your relationship realistically: Is the problem just stress?
In stressful times, it can be difficult to recognise whether the libido problem is really only caused by external stress or whether there are underlying conflicts or crises. In intercultural relationships, additional cultural differences and different expectations can play a role in blocking sexual desire and intimacy. You may also distance yourself from your partner and begin to doubt the relationship.
Reflect on whether your libido problem is just stress-related or whether there are deeper conflicts. Ask yourself whether the relationship still makes you happy or whether a change is necessary.
It’s important to ask yourself these questions: Do you really want to continue the relationship? Or do you feel that you are no longer happy in this relationship due to the emotional and cultural strain? If you feel that the relationship is causing more pain than joy, it might be helpful to think about whether a change or perhaps even a separation could be a solution. It doesn’t always have to be your partner’s decision – perhaps it’s also an opportunity for you to lead a life that fulfils you better.
Sexual reluctance – normal during stress
It’s important to understand that sexual reluctance is completely normal during stressful times – and this is even more true when you’re in a cross-cultural relationship that brings additional emotional, mental and physical strain. Your body reacts to the stress, and desire for sex is often the first thing to disappear. You are not “broken” or “wrong”, but simply overloaded. It’s important to normalise this phase and not put yourself under any additional pressure.
Sexual reluctance in stressful times is normal, especially in intercultural relationships. Don't put yourself under pressure - overwork is often the reason, not a personal problem.
In intercultural relationships in particular, the stress caused by cultural differences, the constant need to fulfil the expectations of both cultures and the constant reflection on one’s own identity and role can have a negative impact on pleasure. You are not alone – many couples in intercultural relationships experience similar challenges.
What do YOU want?
You don’t have to go through this alone. What feels right for you as a first step? It’s important that you ask yourself what you need to get back to yourself and your desire. Maybe that means giving yourself more breaks or talking to your partner to share your burdens. You may also need outside support, such as coaching or couples counselling, to better understand the cultural differences and the challenges involved.
Remember: you deserve to feel comfortable in your relationship and in sexuality. If you feel that you are stuck between cultures, expectations and pressures, the first step can be to clearly recognise your needs and seek the support you need. Only then, you will find your way back to a fulfilling relationship and a fulfilling love life.
You don't have to deal with this alone - ask yourself what you need to find yourself again. Support and open dialogue can help you to regain your desire.
When lust is lost in your intercultural relationship, there is often more to it than just stress. Would you like to find out what’s really behind your libido problem and how you can regain more intimacy? I offer you support and solutions that are far more personal than therapy – get in touch with me: elisabeth@happycouples.at